National Lampoon ain't got nothing on my vacation

It all started in Corpus Christi. My fiance had to go there on business so I decide to tag along, because I need a vacation however brief. So we set off for the coast, which we live in North Texas and going south to Padre and Corpus is like a  hour drive, which in some states here the drive is like driving across two of them! We took the "scenic" route to avoid major highway congestion which set us off another 30  minutes...so almost 7 hours later we arrive. We get there and realize that the Air BnB lied and gave the appearance we were right on the beach facing a vast ocean only to find out that we were actually i the Gulf or Bay area of Corpus so we had to drive another 30 min or so back to Corpus to a run down little condo where the paint on the ceiling was peeling and I had my first encounter with a gout stricken meth head. Yes, that's right a meth head or at the very least a drunkard judging by his feet which is sad. The man was about a month away from certain death, but at least he's die on the beach possibly. What!? I mean at least it's a nice view.

Anyway my fiance was apologetic and it wasn't his fault and the place wasn't that bad if you remove the crackhead and the occasional roach we roomed with. Let's get to that shall we? So basically we show up and unpack and everything is cute, but being near the beach you can imagine that there was the occasional bug here and there. Although I didn't discover that until the next day when I went to heat up my microwave meal because I was stuck there to an extent, we;ll get to that later.Anyway so I was about to put the t.v. dinner in and saw his little dirty ass running around in a panic and so I did what any sane human would do, you bet your ass I nuked him and I'm here to witness that they really can survive most anything. I mean it took me 3 tries of 30 seconds each to fry his ass. After that I lost my appetite and waited for him to get home from work to go out. I was stuck there because I don't trust Uber and didn't want to walk two miles down creeper shore to a restaurant.

The next day was quite the adventure, we went deep sea fishing! I was really hesitant about it since I have anxiety especially about the ocean. I mean it's beautiful ,but the vastness just scares the hell out of me. All that water and depth and I can't swim, it really is quite scary. Well going out there I had taken Dramamine for the last 24 hours like I was told to ward off sea sickness and I was doing OK minus the sun beating me down and making my head hurt. We didn't really eat breakfast and that was a bad idea, but I did eat my leftover crab cake from the day before..(wrong move) So there we are and the boat is rocking and fighting waves the fiance leaves to get me a beer to settle my tummy and almost gets thrown overboard comes back with my beer. I swallow it down and it seems to help until we dock. We dock onto a oil rig about an hour and a half out in the Gulf and that's when shit gets real. The boat is rocking on choppy waters non stop and the guys are catching fish left and right having a good time. I even caught a few fish and they were catching sharks and that's when out of no where the nausea hits and I look to my left as a sudden wave comes over me, my face turns green and I see them hook a shark my size and throw it on deck. Blood is spilling everywhere and I ultimately lose it and I lose it ALL. I run to the front of the boat (another bad move) cause it's super choppy and I blow chunks into the ocean, there goes the crab cake!

Well after that we started catching shitloads of fish, sharks, barracudas and blue fish. Apparently they like crab cakes.Yuck! The men on the boat felt sorry for me and kept bringing me sharks to pet and there was a sucker fish which when touched stuck to your hand (so cool). Haha but seriously it was greatness and with that being said I will NEVER do that again.The drive back to the hotel I was famished and we grabbed a bite to eat and Whataburger never tasted so good. So all in all it was a memorable vacation if anything. I did enjoy the time I spent with my fiance and so we drove back home to get ready for our next big adventure...Lake Tyler. Tune in next week for that story.

Deep-sea fishing and other terrible things

 Today I went deep-sea fishing with my fiancé. I thought it would be nice to do something with him that he enjoys. I however did not know that I apparently  I was going to create memories that would last a lifetime more than I knew. I do not have see legs nor will I ever I’m pretty much a land loving girl.I have anxiety to top it off , but wanted to make my fiancé happy so I sucked it up, only to throw it up later.
 It all started out when we got on the boat this afternoon in full sun I being of Irish Polish dissent was already doomed to burn like a piece of bacon lying in a pan. However I sprayed on my SPF 70 and just muddle through it all. I put on my happy face because I love him even though I was terrified to get on this boat and go out into the middle of the ocean, by the way did I mention I’m afraid of water.

  It didn’t start out so bad took us about an hour to get out into the ocean where all the sharks were at. I popped a Xanax to calm my nerves as well as several Dramamine. We  then tied off to a rig where we begin to move side to side and up-and-down and the next thing you know I was up chucking my lunch overboard. I knew I shouldn’t have had those damn crab cakes, well...at least he had a burial at sea.
 Anyway, so we were out there fishing for sharks and I’m dying 😵 all the while everybody else is okay. It was embarrassing to say the least. I’m definitely not doing it again. I would like to quote Meatloaf and say “I would do anything for love ,but I won’t do that..no I won’t do that.

Anxiety, Restlesness and Stress....my life in a Nutshell

Charming title isn't it? I mean do I know how to entertain or what? It's a daily battle for me, the stress of my life, work and school, but I manage somehow. Recently I started college; Oh,  how I love that word. You know for the first time in my life I feel smart? Crazy I guess, but true and just saying that word (college) sounds so awesome. For the first time in my life and I am doing something for me and it feels fabulous! However it is also the cause for anxiety and such, you see I work a full-time job and go to school and try and put my kid through college as well. A lot to take on for a single mom my age, by the way that is 41. : ) With all this going on it seems I have built up some  stress and s the doctor said I need to relax and he gave me some meds and told me too chill. He may or may not have also said that my blood pressure was a bit high and my cholesterol is not that great either. What? I said I was 41 and it's partly hereditary so. : p

So anyway here I sit on my couch surrounded by Kleenex and empty cups and scattered papers, drinking a glass of wine and it's only day 2 of Spring break and I find myself wanting to clean! Yep, that's me ...no rest for the wicked. I compulsively stare around at my surroundings and silently cringe. I talk to myself and say "Shut up Michele and drink another glass of damn wine." So I do..and sit and stare at the table that needs cleaning, ask myself when was I going to get to cleaning the kitchen and fridge out? Telling myself I need to get up and do something instead of nothing because I feel guilty and lazy. You know what? That's okay , cause really I am lazy today and there's nothing wrong with that. 

Sometimes we don't let ourselves relax and that's silly. We tell ourselves " Well, my house is a mess, yeah; well...by who's standards? Who cares?! No one does. Say it again to yourself NO ONE DOES! It's true and it's fine, we need to quit talking ourselves out of life and start enjoying it a little. Because before you know it POOF! It's gone.So do your self a favor today, pour yourself a drink, plop that ass in front of the t.v. or read a book and

  C H I L L ....O U T!

It's not winning the race that's important it's the journey along the way that defines us

Recently my fiance and I have taken up bike riding, we have actually been doing this for the past few months and we love it. I love it even though he passes me up and rides ahead because I have short legs and well lets face it "short people have no reason to live" LOL that's a song by the way before you get your panties in a bunch. Anyway where I was going with this is while he zooms ahead of me I just chill and take it all in, the smells ,the scenery and the people I encounter. I absolutely love it all, I feel free and at peace like I never have before.

This weekend we toured the Trinity and rode about 15 miles. It wasn't a lot but it was fun, we stopped along at The Trailhead Farmers Market that cyclists can access from the trail and purchased fresh local honey, fresh squash and other wares. While I was riding I saw people from all walks of life. There were children with their moms running around, handicapped people playing sports, there were old couples, hippies, asian, germans, so much diversity. We need to stop squabbling amongst ourselves and celebrate each others cultures, strengths etc,,,,It's refreshing to get outside of that little square box we put ourselves in inadvertantly.

That brings me to this , we need to get out and experience life, it is not going to find you while you sit behind the T.V staring blankly watching the latest Housewives of whatever  reality T.V. show is on, because the reality is right outside your door. You just have to open it and step out ,breathe the air and move forward. Trust me you will be so glad you did, because life is not about the destination, but how you get there that defines you. Enjoy your life.....

Woman driving rental after a few drinks says it compares to blind dating

You ever go on a date and be like..OMG he's so boring and he smells funny and he's old ,BUT AFTER A FEW DRINKS HE STARTS TO SEEM BETTER? Well that's what it's like sometimes to rent a car. I found myself in a car I was grateful to have after all the trouble I went through to obtain it ...here it comes....BUUUUUTTT it was fucking gross. The car smelled like old people ate fried chicken and smoked in it and sprayed old people smell in it. You know that smell you caught a whiff of at grandpas and grandmas, the fine line between decaying flesh and I drowned myself in parfume? Yeah that smell, that's what it is like or old scrotum I can't decide yet
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 LOL Anyway I am driving home after a long island iced tea...NOT DRUNK MIND YOU and I start looking the car over at the light thinking. "This isn't so bad, it only shakes like Michael J Fox when I get over 60mph, it will help me not speed. The smell isn't  that bad either I suppose if you happened to missionary in a third world country. Those little buzzed pep talks you have with your self after a few drinks to try and talk your self into a relationship, like yeah he's better looking after a few. Yeah I totally felt myself identifying with it and then I knew that ....I needed to drink water! LMAO😁 I really am grateful for the rental car,but I can't wait to get mine back from the shop. I just felt I had to share with someone because we all have been there at one time or another.

I could die at home and my cats would eat me....

You know what's awesome about being alone? You can run around in your house naked! Yes I said it and you can cook, clean and even type a blog naked. It's liberating and I love it although there is a downside to it and that is.....choking. I mean what are you going to do if you choke to death? Who's going to help you? As I was standing in my kitchen and eating a piece of ham like a starving fighter dog I almost choked. It was scary and my last thoughts as I looked around the kitchen was FUCK THESE ANIMALS ARE GONNA EAT MY DEAD BODY. I have 2 cats 2 dogs and 1 kitten. Now that kitten isn't going to get much but I'll tell you that my dog Buster can probably consume a leg at the very least. He's a fat ass, so with that being said I am going to provide a link to the self Heimlich maneuver so that you too are not faced with this dilemma of your cats eating your naked carcass one day. Your Welcome, also I wouldn't recommend eating noodles naked cause of the splash back effect or cooking with oils for that matter either cause that's a terrible burn.Unless you're into that sort of thing? To each is own eh?

SO THIS IS 40?!?!?!

Tonight I sit here outside my home in the dark drinking and smoking and staring out into the cloud covered sky. It's fixing to storm here and the clouds are starting to cover the stars and the lightning is breathtaking. I sit and I stare at the clouds taking shape as they did when I was a child and I can make forms out of them and then I think to myself I am 40 now and my kid goes off to college this fall, I am not a child anymore but far from it. I stare at the house and the light from her window and realize that soon that room will be dark and I have an overwhelming emptiness come over me. I then realize she is what has kept me grounded, sane and at times still on this earth. Without her I have no purpose I'm afraid, I mean what do I live for now? What do I do with my life? I can do anything now I guess and the reality of that scares me, because all this time I have lived my life for her and now I get to live it for me and I'm not entirely certain how to do that.

Thoughts run through my head like ..will she miss me, what will become of me, will I have enough money to retire, where will I live, how often will I see her etc????So many unanswered questions and so many possibilities and now I can feel the panic come on. It settles in my chest like an elephant sitting on me, I'm having a panic attack. Damn it not another one , that's 3 this month, this is silly. So this is 40? I am divorced for a second time in my life, I have had so many struggles, lost my tubes at 36 and can;t have more children, I let my home go to someone who didn't deserve it,I quit a job, lost another one, found the love of my life and now find myself somewhere in the middle of happy ,sad and empty all at the same time. SO..THIS...IS..40 I say again to myself. Wow ,what a fucking roller coaster, I never thought I'd make it to forty but here I am.

I write this for those of you out there going through the same thing right now. I know we are not alone and there are several of us I'm certain. This is our time to start fresh, rebuild our lives and possibly make them into what we always wanted. Now we live for ourselves and every time you look into that empty room where our babies used to be remember that another mother is out there doing the same thing and take a deep breath cause WE GOT THIS LADIES. So I leave you with this song